Cooking For The King
by Potentate Poleman
Summary: The Omni-King demands a cake to be baked for him, although since the Grand Priest is a terrible cook, Whis is called to bake the cake instead while Beerus must provide entertainment for the Omni-King.


The sound of heavy sweeping could be heard. Holding a broom, the Great Priest was standing in the extravagant kitchen of the Omni Palace. The fancy room had sky blue walls that shined with the reflection of tens of thousands of galaxies. The floor was like diamond and sparkled, although, it was incredibly slippy. The ceiling had an ethereal light shining down from above that illuminated the interior like the sun brightens the earth.

He was in distress as he desperately swept the floor, trying to clean up a mess he made by accidentally knocking over a sugar bag. The noise the broom made sweeping the white dust onto a clean-up pan echoed slightly down the hall that the kitchen was entered through.

Why was he in the kitchen in the first place? Put simply, the Priest had been ordered to bake a cake by his superior and liege, Zeno, the Omni-King. Why did the King of All order him to bake a cake? It was simple. Because the only thing the childlike King ate was sweets, and that's only because they made him happy, and because he didn't like the way non-sweet food tasted. The childlike king had the appetite of a Majin occasionally. He would eat an assortment of junk foods ranging from cake, to pie, to ice cream, to cheesecake, to cupcakes and muffins, to even his favorite, funnel cakes. This time around though, the innocent minded monarch desired a cake. He didn't care what kind, he just wanted a cake. Although, since he was a God, he wasn't required to eat food, he only ate because it made him happy.

Judging by the Great Priest's current progress, it didn't look like the Cake would be finished any time soon. Ironically, unlike his children, the Angels, the Great Priest was a terrible cook. While Angels like Whis, Vados, and others excelled in their culinary skills as chefs, the Priest fell short in that category of skills as he never pursued it with as much resolve as his children did. They were steadfast in learning to cook, he wasn't.

He had a stack of cook books on one of the counters, and even though he had read everything about cakes in each of the books, he had still failed to make a proper cake three times already.

As soon as he had finished cleaning the mess, he immediately began another attempt at making a Cake. Ingredients in hand, he got to work. 

"Mmmmm...", Zeno hummed patiently before his head turned to his tall Attendants, "Go check the progress of my cake." Zeno ordered, laying back in his throne lazily, propping his melon-like head up with his left hand.

"Yes, King!" The two Attendants said in response. The duo both then left down a hall to the right side of the throne room, phasing through the shining blue walls of the room which looked to have galaxies inside of them. In truth, the walls only appeared like that. They were intangible in truth. The Attendant duo levitated down the hall leading to the kitchen. While they made their way to the kitchen, the loud sound of an explosion was heard and the door to the kitchen fell off of it's hinges. Hurriedly, the Attendants rushed into the kitchen to see that half of the room was scorched black, with some small flames on the floor, and with smoke filling the room. In the center of the room, the Great Priest stood in front of the kitchens stove, which was burning on fire due to the explosion. The Great Priest turned around, showing that the entire front of his body was black from the tip of his halo to the tip of his shoes. He was covered in the residue of the explosion he had just accidentally engineered.

The Great Priest then raised his hand to his mouth and coughed and opened his eyes. To the Attendants, he looked like the gardener of Kami's Lookout, lacking the red lips of course. The Priest gazed upon the Attendants who stared back in shock.

"W-what happened here?!" The Attendants questioned.

"I'm afraid the stove has imploded due to my... _horrendous_ skills at baking and, well, cooking in general. I am unskilled at cooking." The Great Priest replied. The sound of tapping footsteps made everyone tense as they were heard all of a sudden. Everyone stood in attention as ZenO entered the kitchen with a perplexed look on his face. "Huh? How did this happen? Did you put gun powder in my cake?" Zeno asked while the Angel Priest brushed himself off.

"M'lord, I am not fit for this request of yours. My forte is in gardening, not cooking. So I'd like to ask that you wait a bit longer for me to get you the cake you requested." The Great Priest calmly asked as he brushed the last of the black residue off his clothes, the smile he wore mostly all of the time now visible again.

"Hmm... Okay." The King said, beginning to turn around. He stopped however as he realised waiting even longer for a cake would be much more boring than it already was waiting for one here at his palace.

"But what will keep me entertained while you're off getting the cake?" Zeno asked. "We will, your majesty!" The two Attendants said in an attempt to make Zeno content. "But you both are boring." Zeno said, making them flinch.

The Great Priest then had an idea. "M'lord. Why not have the God of Destruction from Universe 7, Beerus, keep you entertained?" The Great Priest suggested, since Cats were the fauna Zeno had favored the most. "Mmm, alright." Zeno said, satisfied with this suggestion. Perhaps he would have Beerus fight his Attendants to entertain himself.

* * *

"Whis, there's somebody at the door. Get it for me would you?" The grumpy voice of Beerus came, annoyed that his planet had visitors at this time.

"Well, I wonder who that could be at this time." The Angel known as Whis said while approaching the door and opening it to see his father standing there.

"Greetings, son." The Great Priest greeted. Hearing the voice of the Priest, Beerus immediately stumbled, nay, leaped off of his couch and made it over to him in an instant to bow respectfully.

"D-Daishinkan sama! What a very unexpected visit you've given me. I am honored you chose to visit me rather then some other God of Destruction such as my overweight brother." Beerus said in distress at the presence of the Great Priest. "You are very much welcome, but I came here to request something of you both." The Great Priest says.

"What is it you would like from us, father?" Whis asks. "Zeno has requested that I bake him a cake as it is one of those occasions. However... I seem to be unfit for the job, so I'd like your help with this matter, Whis." The Great Priest explained.

"And...what do you require my help with?" Beerus asks. "You are to provide entertainment for the Omni-King while we bake the cake." The Great Priest says, sending a chill of fear down Beerus' spine. Beerus was more afraid then he had ever been now, not just because the Grand Priests orders were unquestionable, but because he now had to provide entertainment for the King of Everything himself. He feared that if he failed to pique the King's interest and only make him even more bored, Zeno might erase Universe 7 along with him.

Beerus then gulped out of fear and nodded. "Yes, Daishinkan..." He bowed once more to hide the expression of fear on his face.

* * *

"So, Whis, show me the proper way to bake a cake, please." The Great Priest says as his son, Whis dons his special white apron. "Very well, father, observe." Whis said as he gathered his ingredients. From the cabinets, he took four apples, two eggs, three quarter cups of sugar, flour, a pinch of salt and a three quarter teaspoon of baking powder. He also gathered a one half teaspoon of vanilla extract and one half cups of unsalted butter. "Pay close attention father, this cake is simple to make." Whis said cheerily before preheating the oven to 350 degrees.

* * *

Beerus stood in the throne room, standing completely still as the Omni-King gazed upon him from his throne. Behind him stood the two Attendants who blocked the door, ensuring that he couldn't leave. Beerus sweated nervously, he didn't know why the Attendants blocked the door, it wasn't like he was foolish enough to try to leave anyway, he was in the presence of Zeno for Kami sake. The blank expression the King of All gave Beerus didn't make it any better.

Beerus' eyes then widened as he saw Zeno's hand move. 'This is it...' He thought, the King had become bored of him and was about to erase him...or so he thought. Beerus closed eyes his, waiting to be erased, only to open them and see a red dot on the ground. Beerus almost instinctively pounced the dot, until he stopped and thought for a moment. Beerus then looked up and saw that Zeno was now holding a strange cylinder shaped metal device. After a second of staring, a wave of realization hit Beerus' mind harder than a punch from Champa or a chop from Whis. The King of Everything was treating him like a house cat and expected him to do things like a normal house cat. Beerus felt very embarrassed, but chose to pounce the red dot rather then stand still in defiance of what the Omni-King desired and risk his erasure.

Beerus then cronked his head on the hard marble floor as soon as Zen-Oh pointed the laser pointer somewhere else. He groaned as he he rubbed his head that he had slammed diving face first into the floor. But he ignored it and carried on chasing the dot, no longer guided by his feline instinct to do so, but his fear of being erased if he didn't do so.

* * *

"I must say, Whis, I'll must begin to visit Universe seven often to get cooking lessons from you." The Great Priest mused as Whis greased a pan and put the butter in the kitchen's microwave to melt it. "Indeed, father." Whis replied as he put the flour, salt, and baking powder into a bowl and whisked and stirred them.

As if it was destiny for it to happen, as Whis was stirring the ingredients together in the bowl, a television that sat on one of the counters was playing the Star Wars Holiday Special, precisely at the scene where that fat lady started chanting "Stir whip, stir whip, stir whip, stir!".

Whis then prepared the apples by peeling them with a knife and cutting the slices into chunks. He mixed the sugar, eggs, vanilla and butter into a bowl and stirred them before pouring them into the other bowl with his dry ingredients and stirring them.

* * *

After bashing Beerus into enough walls with the laser pointer. Zeno had gotten off of his throne and started using Ki flight to float around while having Beerus chase after a feather toy attached to a pole he carried. With this, he only continued to bash Beerus into the walls again, which had coincidentally lost their intangibility for this event...

However, it wasn't long until Beerus had gotten the feather toy in his grasp and broke it's string pulling it, making Zenp frown.

But the King's smile returned as he hatched an idea. "Beerus." He said with a smile plastered on his face. "Eegk!" Beerus stammered as he stood upright before the King of Everything.

"Show me your full power by fighting them." Zeno said as he plopped back down into his throne Beerus could have sworn he saw the King make some manner of sadistic grin for a split second. Unfortunately for the hairless feline God of Destruction, before he could even get out another word, the two Attendants of the Omni-King were already behind him, breathing down his neck, preparing to bestow unto him a flogging which he couldn't, wouldn't soon forget.

"Y-yes, lord..." Beerus stuttered as he turned to face the Attendant duo and assumed a fighting stance.

The Attendants cracked their knuckles. Beerus became very uneasy, hearing a faint chuckle emitting from the two. He shook a bit in fear, and that was only because the two Attendants were more powerful and resilient than any of the Angels who attended the Gods of Destruction. Well, any of them except for the Great Priest of course.

* * *

"Then you must fold the apples." Whis said as he incorporated the apples into the batter and poured the batter into a round pan and placed it into the oven. Whis then set the timer for fifty minutes. "Now let us wait for it to finish." Whis says as he and the Great Priest both started whistling a song, one they had known for many years. A song of positivity that always made them happy.

Don't Worry Be Happy by Bobby McFerrin.

* * *

"Cgaahh!" Beerus yelped out in pain as he blocked a punch from the first Attendant, only to get bashed from behind by the second Attendant. Beerus then flew back and shot a beam of Ki at the first Attendant, who simply stood and tanked the brunt of the blast, flying through it unfazed before ramming his fist into Beerus' abdomen, making him upchuck his saliva. Of course, it only splashed into the face of the second Attendant, which distressed him greatly as it blinded him. The first Attendant, noticing the second Attendant had just given Beerus an opening with his punch, quickly acted and fired a pink cube shaped blast of Ki at Beerus, blowing the God of Destruction into the floor and damaging it..

The second Attendant recovered, wiping his face off with his sleeve before reaching forward with his right hand as he pressed the two fingers of his left against his temple, allowing him to take Beerus by surprise as he grabbed the Destruction God psychically and pulls him towards them both. Both Attendants then flicked Beerus with their fingers in synchronized form, this time making a crater in the floor with Beerus. The Omni-King simply clapped, thrilled by the exhilaration of the fight..

Beerus grimaced, knowing that the Attendants would be using a small amount of their power against him just so they don't render him unconscious. This show was going to go on for a while...

* * *

 _Fifty Minutes Later..._

* * *

"M'lord, your cake is done!" The Great Priest declared, entering the throne room of the Omni-King to see Zeno sitting on his throne, _very_ entertained watching his two Attendants do a beatdown on Beerus in the classic style of locker-shoving school bullies.

"Oh my." Whis covers his mouth with his hand, somewhat concerned for how badly Beerus had just been crippled by the "sparring match".

"Okay, stop." Zeno says, the Attendant's cease pounding Beerus into the floor immediately. "Yes lord!" They both say at the same time.

"Quite a lot of damage has been done here. Let me fix that." The Great Priest says before clapping his hands, triggering a flash of light to happen, repairing all the damage done to the Palace interior.

"Your cake as requested, sire." Whis presents as he places the cake down in front of Zen-Oh, on a table that materializes out of nothing. Zeno beams happily as he conjured a fork out of nothing and stabs the cake with it, extracting a chunk of it and trying it. Upon trying the cake, Zenp's face went blank.

Everyone in the room freezes, fearing that the cake had turned out badly. Zeno's eyes then widen and shine as he throws his arms into the air in joy.  
"This... is...the greatest cake I've ever tasted!" Zeno cheered in satisfaction before happily digging into the cake.

"Phew...I'm at ease now that the King is pleased. And I have you to thank for it, son... Oh, and you as well, Destroyer." The Great Priest chuckled as he turns to Beerus and Whis.

"It was no problem, father. Now, we must be off." Whis says as he grabs Beerus by the shoulders and lifts him off his feet. "Hey! I can still walk you know!" Beerus says in annoyance, objecting to being carried as he tries to squirm free of Whis' iron grip. "Not in that condition you aren't. Now let us return to your planet." Whis says as the Great Priest claps his hands, opening a portal for them. Whis enters the portal and it shuts behind him.

"Hmmm...Daishinkan." Zeno then speaks up, curious of something. "Yes m'lord?" The Priest replies. "What did Whis put into this cake?" Zeno asks. "Ahh, the ingredients he used were apples, salt, sugar, eggs, baking powder-" The Grand Priest was cut off by Zeno lowering his fork and placing it onto the table.

"Ahh...is there a problem, m'lord?" The Grand Priest asks. "I don't like apples." Zeno says.

"...You don't? ...Why not?"

"I don't want the Kais to feel threatened." Zeno replies. The Priest nods in understanding, remembering that the Shinjin were all born from the Kaiju, sprouting as fruit nearly identical to apples.

* * *

"Hey, Whis. Could you bake me a cake like you did for the Omni-King?" Beerus asks while he plops down on his couch.

"No." Whis replies.

"What? Why not?" Beerus grumbled, becoming agitated. "Because, there would be no need to bake a third." Whis says as he takes out an apple cake from behind his back. "Wait, you baked two?"

"Indeed." Whis says as he places the cake down in front of Beerus. "I can always rely on you, Whis." Beerus says as he prepares to dig into the cake...

Only to be interrupted by the sudden appearance of two blue portals opening up in the room. "What now?!" Beerus yells in anger.

Suddenly. Out from the portals, the two Attendants of the Omni-King popped out, making Beerus freeze in fear.

"Oh, what is it you two have come for?" Whis asks while the Attendants crack their knuckles in a show of intimidation. "The King has sent us to punish Beerus because he had apples in his cake. And he doesn't like apples." The two Attendants holler at once.

"WHAT?!", Beerus raised his voice in scared confusion, "WHY DO I HAVE TO BE PUNISHED? I DIDN'T MAKE THE CAKE! W-WHIS MADE IT!" Beerus yells, accusingly pointing his finger at his own Attendant, who he was so quick to betray just to avoid getting another beating.

"Do not question the King's orders!" The Attendants says as they slowly approached Beerus. "Oh no, Whis, help me!" Beerus pleads as Whis walks into another room, pretending to be talking to someone via his staff.

===The End===


End file.
